Fade out.

Posted: November 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

It’s dark. With spots of less darkness.

It’s still dark.

The dark shapes surround me. Light reflects off the shadows of the wild. A light here. A light there. The struggle to not be consumed. It’s a ray of hope. To become, within these overpowering forms, a lighthouse to nature. They are reflections of reflections. A trick of the dark. A companion to the silent waters that flow under your crossing. Those that try to capture and contain the light. It’s the subconscious of your beacon. The hazy, unknown, tempting lights of the midnight flow.

But it’s night. It’s dark. An abyss in the making.

And then we turn. The light of the night shines bright. The cratered glow that bristles on your neck. The white that softens the dark; that makes it welcoming. It shies away here and there. Vanishing behind those monstrous shapes, it reappears indistinct. The dark allows it to walk untouched, as always. It pierces the harshness of a black night. One that brings different hues of the black alive. It lets a slow mist linger over the clear gurgle that comes to our ears. It speaks aloud, “Why the hurry? Take your time. Explore when you return! And to guarantee your return, I gift you this view.”

I stop. I need to stop. It’s dark. It always is. Shadows dance; toy and play with my bearings. The warm reflections invite me into their depths. The shudder inducing shapes bend to my view. The silence of the noise leaps at me. And the midnight sun compels me to follow this route back.




Day 8 without a shower:

Day 1 through 7 has gone by in a daze. The smell is creeping up. It’s not strong enough to overpower the senses of passing tourists, but it has come to purge the area around my nose.

Deodorants mask the monstrosity that has become my physical being. But like all man-made things, it also fades away. All that is left for me is to follow the daze, to try forgetting the smell born out of laze.

The forests beckon me – “Come to us, the further you go from ‘cleanliness’, the more you feel clean”. It’s a call from the wild – Be wild. The smell will go. It’s cold; it always goes. It just dissipates. Just like all our worries. One more pull of that magical flute, and all your worldly associations are dulled out. It has become your rite of passage to the land of the uncultivated, the free, the wanderers, the helpless life-addicts. And there’s always a welcoming party.

When the elements sparkle orange, it’s a party. When the lungs squirm in agony and exhilaration, it’s a party. When eyes glaze over and thoughts play havoc, it’s a party. When the haze of cloudy vapour masks every smell, its a party. A party of liberating proportions. One just for my senses. With me as host, guest and entertainment.

Pace yourself

Posted: September 27, 2012 in experience
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We are part of a world that moves. Literally and figuratively. It moves at a pace. One set in society. One set for everyone to follow. We as humans are trained to follow this pace. It becomes our way of life. We live according to what is set for us. Our friends, family and everyone around, hasten us to catch up to that pace. Maybe a step taken, a thought germinated, a heartbeat felt – These are the things we alter to keep up.

But some people don’t stick to this pace. Some. Those are generally labelled freaks or weirdos or some choicer names. They move at a pace not in accordance to the ways of our society. And that’s how they stick out. Because sometimes when society ebbs, they flow. You see them bothered? Never. They just don’t care. They’ve set their own tempo in society. And they decide when to bring it up or down.

But that’s just it. What if we want to live our own pace? Not want to accustom ourselves to anything. What if we don’t want to catch up, but just run the other way? What if the only thing scaring us is the thought of moving at all?

Well, then just stop.

Why? Because we should. Because it feels right. Because maybe I would like to stop and smell the roses. And maybe the jasmines and the gardenias as well.

It is said that we are our own masters. We command our seas. I am trying to command mine to quiet down and not be choppy. I don’t want to move with the swiftness my world has set for me. It feels like I am bound in shackles. They wring around me to hurt and dig in. But to stop the pain, I just need to stop squirming.

I want to sit on a mountain, looking out over a valley. See a red sun glint off the purple sky, letting the sounds of nature wash over me. Allow the gliding river to remind me that the crashing sounds of the world are flowing away. Appeal to the  wind to bring with the rustle of leaves, the music of silence. And then maybe when the clock in my head stops ticking, I’ll finally hear myself.

A musical trip

Posted: September 22, 2012 in experience, self discovery
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Channel energy through music? That’s something I would agree to, in theory. Sure it sounds about right to say that you are channelling your physical and metaphysical energy through the beats of music. But then theory remains just that, unless it is implemented.

Well I now stand proven that you can indeed channel your energy through music.

The past weekend was, for me, something surreal. It wasn’t a trip that I undertook, it was an experience. When your mind is floating away, you bring it back with the sounds of music. The mind comes back only when the body responds to that thump. The thump of your heart. It felt illusory to explore my outlet of emotions; those that were now controlled by music. I was moving to the beats, my thoughts juggling my mind and my body.

I was stripped of all choice. The music decided my emotions, my movement, my thoughts. I was not in control. I had released everything and was open to being led. I felt as if my mind and my body were moving against each other, but as one unit. They were on different wavelengths. They were responding to different frequencies of sound. The sounds had them. My subconscious was becoming my reality. Having no control let me tap into a subliminal reality. The music brought it out. I guess I wanted it to be my reality.

My thoughts became my force. I found an outlet for that energy. That outlet led me to frontiers undiscovered in my mind. The discovery was an experience of infinite dimensions. It destroyed the barriers that stopped me. To destroy what was, I entered what will be. I entered through my gateway. The gateway of music.

Dream a day away..

Posted: September 4, 2012 in self discovery
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Look. Look into the distance. Look into the distance and think deeply. Look into the distance and think deeply as if you have work.

It’s a beautiful ploy. Just stare out, as if you are waiting for your next inspiration. “No, I’m busy. I’m trying to conceptualise some ads, don’t disturb me.” Who knew it would work like a charm? You have created a barrier to any disturbance. And in the mean time, what do you do? Whatever the hell fancies you! Daydream about trips you will never make, about accolades you never will win, or just fantasise about women you will never be with (try PG-13).

It works beautifully. But the effect on your mind is that it starts losing the ability to focus. I am not talking about the kind of focus most parents talk about – “Focus on your career…” I am talking about focus in terms of being able to concentrate on the job at hand, on what is required of you. Because once you’re lost in yourself, everything else is a moot point.

I like it.

I am not saying we should shirk off responsibility. But it’s fun to shirk off the focus in life. Sometimes it’s necessary. When you focus on things too much, everything else gets blurred. The smaller things in life; maybe the better things in life (unless you day dream about killing your boss. I’ve come across people like that. That’s just a little over the top.)

So what should I do? Who cares! I want to free myself from focus. I want to do everything, think everything. Why should there be a reason to stop me from doing that? I don’t like focus. Again I’m not speaking about the career focus, that should always be there (kids, stay in school.)

The loss of focus lets you explore another side to yourself. A different realm, where you are the sole inhabitant. It’s your world, do what you wish. Discover each and every portion of the mental map you have drawn for your world. Make yourself known to the other side. And then come back to venture elsewhere.

So day dream. Lose that focus. Turn back the tick of the clock. Dial back the pace of life. I need to let my mind un-focus, so that I know where I don’t want to be. Cause what’s the use of what you do, if it isn’t what you dream about.

What if I had super powers?

What if I came from another planet? Planet Jalzoid. My bone density and Earth’s gravitational pull would let me accomplish grandiose tasks. I like the sound of that.

But if I had super powers, would I use it for good or bad? “With great power comes great responsibility” … blah. What’s the fun in that? Live a poor life, wearing masks while jumping around as a caped crusader? Why not rather make a truck load of money, use my powers to seduce women and leave the world no choice but to follow me. Why not? What’s the use of super powers if not to use them? And if you go to see, me being the number one power in the world would actually be good. Quarrels and fights would be a thing of the past. Cause which man would dare stand up to the Jalzoid law? Unity would be something the world would finally know.

Oh, the world would truly unite. Against me. Because that’s what always happens. The world is not meant to be ruled by one. Freedom is essential. Forced freedom is an illusion used on the mind. Plus, who doesn’t like hating their leaders. It’s just a thing people got to do.”Playas gotta hate.” So, there would come a time when the world would unite to overthrow me and my waylaid ideologies. And that is when the world would rise above petty issues. So I would probably be the Dr. Manhattan or the Dark Knight of the world. Everyone thinks I’m bad (and I am bad, shush), but for the greater good of the world. See, I had the bigger picture in mind. And everybody has a kryptonite. Those bastards would find mine hiding on the supermarket shelves. Bastards.

And that is the reason for me having hidden my super powers from the world. I do not want to face my glorious end. So the world falls apart for my selfish reasons of staying alive. I am truly sorry. Global unity will have to wait. Till then there are others who believe they have god given superpowers. And their kryptonite is their own stupidity. Let’s go for them instead?

A kiss remembered, a tear shed and a bottle upturned.

It’s the classic making of what follows every failed relationship. What people forget to mention, are the friends they find after. Because it’s not a unique story. It’s the story of a million lost souls. Almost everyone has loved and lost, and in turn can relate to this. And they had also found others who could relate to this. It’s a circle which is finally not vicious. It’s a circle to finish that bottle in hopes of forgetting that kiss.

It’s funny how people come together over bad relationships. Or good relationships that are losing the sheen of “perfection”. People generally come together because they have something in common. It’s a universal fact. Some of my friends I can call close, only because of the time we spent baring our hearts to each other. You can’t do so, unless your heart has felt the spike of emotions. Oh, it’s a spike that ravages your mind and body. That’s the only way you can connect. And oddly I’m still connecting with new people, over old stories.

Those chapters of my life might be longed closed, but the story of my life still writes itself. Those times are still there for ready reckoning. They don’t hurt anymore; one grows accustomed. But at least they’re there to help others. A helping thought in times of bitterness and despair. My story, that for someone else might mean an additional tear not spent, another hour not wasted pondering, maybe one more word of hate not spoken, or just another thread of sanity not lost.

Who knows where my past might help someone’s present. Or maybe just help close the chapter of a past still being written. We all carry this with us. We steel ourselves to be harder and smarter for the future. We don’t always succeed, but at least we got friends to bring us up when we turn to butter. A friend to always help upturn that bottle.