Archive for April, 2013

It always fits.

Posted: April 17, 2013 in Uncategorized

Patterns. The rulers of our life. We run from one to the other. Even breaking a pattern, leads to another. It’s just how it is.

I travel. I travel to break my pattern. Because I didn’t like it. I felt claustrophobic in mine. It felt stifling. It wasn’t that I wanted change for the sake of not being bored. I simply wanted more out of life. So, I travelled to change my internal patterns.

And it did change. It was gradual. Quite gradual. Not ground breaking. Quite slow. Very slow. Really slow. But it was there. And I felt it stronger on my last excursion into the unknown interiors of my vast country. I felt fresh. Alive. Kicking with joy. Riding the waves of simplicity. But then I came home.

Peg it in.I wholeheartedly believed that home would be a different place, for I would see it through new eyes.

And it was.

For a while.

And then slowly it changed.

It’s only been a few days since I’ve come back. And I already feel the pull. The pull of my previous being. My hope was to come back an evolved version of my earlier self. The modified me. And that was the vital part. My hope was not to fall back into myself. Fall back into my well established pattern. But that’s what I sense now.

It’s not a conscious act, it just happens. We find ourselves doing the same things, thinking the same things. Feeling the same emotions, feeling the same lack of emotions. Feeling the dregs of society sucking you back in. And you aren’t aware of this until it’s too late.

And that’s the thing. We aren’t aware nor conscious. Our mind is riddled with so many¬†minuscule¬†things, that we forget to be aware of our every action. We keep ourselves distracted and it’s easy to be so. We slowly lose our evolution. We devolve back into our earlier self. What was gained, is lost. We change, to revert. We rediscover the pattern that we fit into. We have for so long. And slowly, unknowingly, we fit back in, to slowly dissolve into an infinite phantasm.