The thought that presses me down

Posted: May 30, 2012 in self discovery
Tags: , , ,

When you’re in a profession that needs you to constantly think, what happens when you no longer want to think? I don’t want to think. I want a break from thinking. I’m tired of it. A constant barrage of thoughts weakens my will to think. It just gets too much.

But then you wonder, is it the process of thinking or everything else around? If you just had to sit and think, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. But it’s the other things around. Because before you can finish one thought, your world interrupts you. Some work, some noise, some girl, some calamity. The world interrupts. And there goes that chain of thought.

A broken chain is not easy to fix. Once you lose that line, you are left trying to grapple onto the last threads of that fading thought. And you scrape and scramble to regain it. It’s within your grasp, but just slips through. So you sit, lost and alone, because even your thoughts have left you.

That is what tires me. Yes, it’s not the thinking part. It’s the task of losing a clear thought and finding it again, but not anytime soon. I’d be a happier man, if I could sit in peace, just think and finish my thinking. Well there isn’t really anything like finish thinking, but still.

There is a lot that is jumbled in my head. I need to think them through. I feel saddened when I can’t clearly recall my thoughts. It’s because of this confusion that surrounds us. The chaos filters into our mind. There is a reason why the monks chose the mountains, removing themselves from the everyday world. They went for the sole purpose of finding a higher self within their thoughts. Maybe that’s what I need.

I want to think clear, lucid and straight. The world should become oblivious to me and me to it. I want to be either in the world or floating in the clouds of my thoughts. Mainly, I want to stop wanting to stop thinking.

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